waking up better/talking about myself a lot

all i can say about this holiday is that it was a little or a lot more difficult than i was prepared for, but that life goes on if you're lucky. 

i still argue with sleep throughout the night and wake up with a coldness in my chest; an awkward knot of wondering why, and how, and what do i do until i can shut off my thoughts again. and i know i have it better than most; i do. i know it. 

i am learning that time truly is the most generous healer, and that it's okay to stumble through that time however you can. i just wish i were better at it already