so i thought maybe a good way to heal would be to step away from my own shit and maybe help boost up others. i have been trying so hard but i am so utterly, thoroughly exhausted

nothing seems to be distracting enough lately, even sleep

my mom and my brother both have covid

i am sure they will be fine

turn order

little gifts. it's been three days since my last pre-sunrise anxiety attack. i am slowly learning to push through and realign myself. then again, i fight sleep until it defeats me. baby steps. shit happens. grow from it. 

talk about it, even if it is to no one and everything you say sounds stupid. send it out and let it go.

one thing i think i needed to learn is that sometimes it is healing to talk to different people, even when you don't feel up to it. i have been trying so hard not to push people away. i spent some time speaking to some friends i don't know so well with similar interests under a guise of helping someone out. turns out i laughed a lot and felt a bit more like myself and maybe i was the one who needed help. 

you might feel alien and misunderstood and kinda pointless sometimes, but that doesn't mean that you are.