a votive

all the little nerves in my body seem to be asking me to go home, but that home doesn't exist anymore. I accept that. I'm mostly okay with it.

I have spent this whole year in lockdown trying to make the best of things and make the best of me and it's so hard not to be selfish and get angry that somehow things have only become worse. I know I can't give up, and I won't. but due to another bit of bad luck, the little bit of safety net I have has disappeared and I don't know what to do. I don't ever even need much. 

I will do whatever I have to to get by, but it's hard not to feel a little defeated and a lot embarrassed, and I'm honestly so nervous and scared more often than not. all of the sudden it's all gone from okay, but not much to completely fucked.

tomorrow is a new day, though. all I can do is keep trying and laughing at it all and taking small moments to disassociate from my selfishness and soak in the beauty that is the world without ego.